Browse Professor Quotes

"this is a table, show me where god is"

—Hal Holladay, talkling about Nietsczhe

It is intuitively obvious to even the most casual of observers....

—Don Roeder, on several occasions

"I was sitting in church the other day and I was thinking about the rutting behavior of deer....."

Asked about it he said something like "Well, you have to do something while your there."

—Martin Naumann in the Animal Behavior class.

"I owe it all to clean living and self-denial."  Don Roeder

—Don Roeder... one evening in Nicosia at the Apothesis III Tavern & Small Arts Center

"Nature does not care, and certainly does not care about your _feelings_."

—Martin Naumann during a class discussion in ecology class.

Stopping his car, Jamie said to us:

"Hey, look at that lichen!" and then he drove off laughing. 

—Jamie Hutchinson upon spotting a couple of us standing around in the forest "for no apparent reason"

As humans, we choose to wear clothes...for some reason....

—Bob Schmidt, Intro to Life Sciences, explaining the sense of touch

It's a really fun experiment. Don't try it at home. First you take a person and make them unconscious somehow....that's the fun part.

—Bob Schmidt, Intro to Life Sciences
These are the most inhospitable vaginas I've ever heard about.
—Nancy Yanoshak, Sophomore Seminar
Enough about that....let's talk about fish.
—Bill Dunbar, Intro to Statistics
I am like God...
—Chris Callanan, First Year Seminar. 'Nuff said.
Student: They don't let you take tours of the brewery anymore.

Ryan: Because they don't want you to see the chimpanzees making the beer! (Lots and lots of laughter (mostly from Ryan)) It's In-Drunk-situ! (More laughter)
—Ryan Carey, History of Tourism, in a discussion about touring animals (ex: zoo)
I ate a lot of Girl Scout cookies this morning so class is going to go real fast.
—Sam Ruhmkorff, Philosophy of Religion
Unless you're intimately associated with chickens...then you can catch it that way.
—Isaac Bao, Cell Biology, on how hard it is to catch Avian Flu
You're gonna murder the little bitty pine tree by putting it in your mouth, how does that make you feel? Will you be able to sleep at night?
—Don Roeder when talking to two vegetarians about eating pine nuts
Is there such a thing as a vertical asymptote? -Student

Yeah, it’s called the apocalypse.
—Allen Altman in BA Sem while discussing the population of the world.
Well, it just shows that if I wait long enough I don't need to do any
work. :)
—Paul Shields, Computer Science I: Programming (Java) in response to a student saying they figured out the problem by themselves
You might get eaten by a tiger or strangled by a boa constrictor, but you will not suffocate because the plants are sucking up all the oxygen.
—Issac Bao, Cell Biology
There's something about making felt from beavers... I feel like there's a step missing there somewhere.
—Bob Schmidt, BAS 390: Biological Debates
...and suddenly they're andiamoing right up to the castle bedroom.
—Chris Callanan, about Don Giovanni and Zerlina (in reference to their quote, "Andiam, andiam, mio bene...")
I just love a case of premature ejaculation!
—Ginny Brush, Intro to Psych
“Here we arrive at the wall of ambivalence, and this one is with out carabineers and a belay partner. …. That came out of nowhere, put that on the Daily Jolt.”
—Ryan Carey, in Tourism, Culture, and History, explaining modernity and post modernity.
If you have sex with an alien, would your significant other get angry?
—Chris Callanan, FYS II, talking about Zerlina and Don Giovanni, saying how Don Giovanni was a superhuman or alien.
Sorry boys, saunas are no good for birth control.
—Ginnie Brush, Intro. to Psychology conversation about the destructive properties of heat
There are several ways you can play graduate school.
—Bob Schmidt, Research Methods
There are a lot of things that can cause the death of people.
—Isaac Bao, Cell Biology
It must be hard...to be a pimp.
—Anne O'Dwyer, Theories of Self, discussing the Oscar winning music from Hustle and Flow
Student: Do humans have bones in their penis?

Isaac: Where have you been that you ask that question?!
—Isaac Bao, Microbiology. During a discussion about the possibility of disecting a mouse penis.
It pains me to see students cry... that's not really true
—Issac Bao, Microbiology. Discussing recent tests in this and another class
Oh you ignorant sluts!
—Paul Naamon, Medical Anthrology, demonstrating his disappointment in our lack of basic cultural terminology
What are you doing here? - Patient
I work here. - Anne O'Dwyer
Sure you do...... - Patient
—Anne O'Dwyer, Social Psychology: talking about working at a psychiatric hospital.
Any one know what happened to their foreskin? I don’t know where mine is. I know I don’t have it…”
—Paul Naamon discussing the fetishization of religious objects in Buddhism class
Does anyone remember how long division works? Oh! Ok, I see now...
—Bob Snyder, Elementary Functions, having a momentary lapse.
My house is very non-child proof in a kind of gay tchoke [knicknack] kind of way
—John Weinstein, at Company cast party
There are some situations in which whisking is socially unacceptable.
—Bob Schmidt, regarding Chris's inapproiate whisk use
You see this book!? It should be titled 'Why I am SO GAY!'
—Majid said this because there is a famous Nietzsche essay entitled "Why I am so Smart" and one of Foucault's big influences is Nietzsche.
Personally, I would prefer they ate more missionaries than chimpanzees.
—Bob Schmidt, Animal Behavior, re: cultural differences in foods.
That's why we're into Psychology, right, to diagnose our mothers?
—Ginny Brush, first day of Abnormaly Psycholog
Of course having an army behind him helps.
—Nancy Bonvillian, Athro of Religion, talking about Hitler
They move even when they're dead AND extinct.
—Bob Schmidt, NATS 215: Introduction to Paleontology, Re: Bivalves
At this point I have to ask: How hard do you think it is to find an elephant in a small pond?
—Bob Schmidt, NATS 215: Introduction to Paleontology
I always think it's really funny that I went into this profession, because I never have any idea what I'm doing.
—Tanya Marcuse, B&W Photo 100
You've got sleepy voice, but your face seems to be pulling it off just fine.
—Rochelle Duffy, on whether or not a student looked sleepy at 8:50 AM
Show that wood you're not afraid!
—Ryan Carey, History of Outdoor Recreation, explaining how to split wood.
If somebody wound up in my bedroom it wouldn't be by chance!
—Anne O'Dwyer, Theories of Self, discussing the difference betwen dorm life and life outside of school
What did your parents do when you started masturbating as babies?
—Ginny Brush, Psych 101, discussing developemental psychology
“There’s that adage, ‘There's no such thing as a stupid question.’ ... Well, that may be true, but what we’re working towards here is a better question.”
—Ryan Carey, in The History of Outdoor Recreation, discussing a class asignment.
It's OK to touch yourself just not in front of your aunt Martha
—Ginny Brush, Theories of Personality, in regards to public masturbating
Don't yell at 6 in the morning...that would probably make you lose friends.
—Anne O'Dwyer, Social Psychology
First activity of the day, conquer the world. Then we'd just be like everyone else in the White House.
—Asma Abbas, Politics 100 (in discussing possibility of playing Risk in class).
Oh, it's not what I did, it's what THEY did!
—Anne O'Dwyer, BAS 390: Biological Debates, re: why she is on an 'escalated customers' list.
Shalom, y'all!
—Paul Naamon, demonstrating his southern accent.
Conflict! Yaaay!
—- Anne O'Dwyer, Social Psych
One of the neat things about programming is that there's always a bunch of bodies lying around.
—Paul Shields, Computer Science I: Programming with Java; describing a debugging metaphor
I don't want another quote on the Daily Jolt, thank you very much!
—Anne O'Dwyer, BAS 390: Biological Debates, re: Why the discussion on her use of the obsolete term 'World Wide Web' had to end.
Did none of you ever smear your feces on the wall?
—Ginny Brush, Psych 101 - Developemental Psychology
There's a special place in Hell for happy people.
—Jamie Hutchinson (under his breath), Fresh Sem (2003), discussing Dante
Bob: So with global warming you'll have less and less places to run from malaria.
Anne: ...and sharks!
—Anne O'Dwyer, Biological Debates, on the imminent shark threat
A good problem should act like a good terrorist organization.
—Paul Shields, Computer Science I: Programming with Java
Flesh. No theology, no morality, pure Id.
—David LaBerge in Cognitive Neuroscience, describing the anterior insula.
This song is from the 60's when I was a young hippie instead of an old hippie.
—Nancy Yanoshak, Sophomore Seminar
Students: Bob, when do you think the paper should be do?
Bob: I don't care.
Anne: I don't care either, I'm cool too!
—Anne O'Dwyer, Biological Debates, on her not-so-obvious coolness
I haven't been seduced by an emperor in quite some time, and boy, am I pissed about that.
—Paul Naamon, professor and Buddhist priest
Patient: What are you doing here?
Anne O'Dwyer: I work here.
Patient: Suuuurrreee you do.
—Anne O'Dwyer, conversing with a patient in a mental hospital
The penis is one thing that can be measured.
—Ginny Brush, Abnormal Psych, discussing experimental measures of male arousal
lets start for example with other examples
—Bernard F. Rodgers, Soph Sem, talking about freud possibly pop culture
That existential fear of death is not something that troubles the consciousness of elephants.
—Jamie Hutchinson, Fresh Sem 100g
How many satellites do you have?
—Chris Coggins, Geog. 218: Home at the Rock, while taking GPS readings
Let's start, for example, with other examples.
—Bernard F. Rodgers, Soph Sem, talking about Freud and possibly pop culture
Ba Win had a baby. He named him Dar.
—Majid Hannoum, discussing Darwin in Soph Sem.
Bush's highest grade was in Anthropology. He wants to know about other people so he can bomb them later.
—Majid Hannoum, Soph Sem
This is a very useful sentence in case you meet a Chinese cannible.
—John Weinstein, Chinese 100, while talking about commands
...Yes, that's true, I do want to take your property...And your wife is a hooker anyway.
—Bernard F. Rodgers, Soph Sem, talking about Nietzsche and Marx
-Student 1: ..yeah, Hello Kitty makes all kinds of weird things.
-Student 2: I saw a Hello Kitty vibrator once.
-Student 3: Oh yeah, it's legitimate and everything.
-Paul Naamon: Oh is it? I haven't tried it yet.
—Talking about Hello Kitty in Paul Naamon's class.
This place reminds me of the Ewok village from Star Wars - VR

I guess that makes me the Head Ewok - KD
—Victor Rosado, Faculty in Spanish, to Keon Diggs, RD of Kendrick, on the architecture of Simon's Rock dorms.
How could you know without knowing? You couldn't know without knowing.
—Paul Shields, in Computer Science I: Programming (Java)
Battleships are better than friendships.
—Monshin Paul Naamon, heard in ASIA238: Japan & East Asian Affairs Since 1868
Hiring a couple means getting one mind for the price of two.
—Elizabeth Blodgett Hall, School founder
After a baby has been fully satiated on his mother's breast, you have to call that sexual pleasure. A full grown adult is no more satiated after multiple orgasms.
—Jim Monsonis, Sophmore Seminar, dicussion on Freud
I am happy because I heard a rumor that I am going to get Jim Monsonis's office when he leaves! Want to know the best part? I started that rumor.
—Sam Ruhmkorff on his plan to get a better office
So I stepped into a Pentecostal church for the first time in twelve years yesterday and it didn't burn down!
—James King
If you get a degree from Harvard, you can bullshit successfully and get paid for it.
—Majid Hannoum, discussing DuBois in Soph Sem
You are both charming hunks of male physique.
—Wendy Shifrin during rehearsal to two students' comments that they were ugly
It is the _people_ who will move the desk into the hall, instead of the gremlins.
—Nancy Bonvillain, Intro to Linguistics
Revolutionary ballet: standing on pointe holding a rifle.
—John Weinstein, in chinese 100
It's beautiful discomfort!
—Anne O'Dwyer, Social Psychology: referring to people on first dates and getting the check.
Upon finding out that priests no longer say Ego te absolvo in confession, but speak English, How can they forgive sins in English? The next day he announced, I know why I didn't know they speak English in confession now! It's because I haven't committed a sin in 30 years.
—Chris Callanan Accelerated Beginning Latin II (spring 2002)
Capitalism is one big whorehouse.
—Nancy Yanoshak, Sophomore Seminar
If you want to have a great sexual life, don't get married. Really, just don't get married.
—Majid Hannoum, discussing marriage in Intro to Anthropology
If you're going to insult someone do it with good grammar.
—John Weinstein, Chinese 100
I'm drawing it as if there was a there there, but there is no there.
—Anne O'Dwyer, Intro to Psych, in a discussion of memories in the brain
Why do you think it has a stucture? That is an assumption. Maybe it has a...a gructure.
—Samuel Ruhmkorf, Epistemology
I always want to say McSorely, because that's a great bar in New York...but it's not that. It's Sorely.
—Bernie Rodgers, Sophmore Seminar: discussing Mr. Sorely in "A Passage to India"
See what happens when you smoke too much marijuana? You forget to come to soccer games.
—Victor Rosado, on why Hampshire College stood us up
What a sick story. And they teach this stuff to kids?
—Gary Mitchell, in Playwriting, discussing Little Red Riding Hood.
I corrupt the youth. I show reverence for the King's cattle.
—Nancy Yanoshak, written in Greek during European History
I turned it down, who turned it up? Which way is down?... Maybe I turned it up.
—Anne O'Dwyer, Social Psychology: context... no clue.
Sometimes I mummble important things like... (mummble mummble)...
—Allan Altman, Calc 201
Every Wednesday we died at noon. We would pretend to die as if a nuclear bomb went off... Then the football players would threaten to step on us... I like my spleen!
—Anne O'Dwyer, Social Psychology: while discussing who knows what.
Woman = sex.
—Mark Vecchio, discussing Arabian Nights in Fresh Sem

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